Online Dating

For me, being as busy as I am, I don’t really have time to hang out in your usual pick-up-a-date places. I rarely go out and when I do it is generally with friends that I haven’t seen in a long time, so I am not looking for a potential date while I am with them. So how can you put yourself out there? How can you make yourself available when you are pressed for time? Ahhh, the wonderful world of online dating sites.

There are like a million of them. You can type in ‘online dating’ into any search engine and fill up pages with names and web addresses. You can pick one based on your religious preference, the type of encounter you are looking for, the area of the world you are in, etc. There is literally one for everyone.

There are free sites (like Plenty of Fish) and sites with free trial periods, then there are sites that you have to pay for or that you can try out for a month at the fraction of the price. Almost every online dating site that I know of has a free membership of some kind. Usually you get screwed out of the nice benefits like sending an email or sometimes even reading yours. My recommendation is to sign up with the free membership for a month or two while you explore the site. Learn about the options and figure out who you are and aren’t interested in. You don’t want to shell out twenty bucks and then realize that there are only a dozen guys in your area and you aren’t compatible with any of them.

Perfect your profile. Let your friends read it and tell you what they think. Take their advice seriously, as these are people who do know you and can tell you if what you are writing is you. Clearly outline what you are looking for and who you are as a person. It’s hard when you are comparing online dating to real live dating. When you are out, you can sit at the bar and flirt with the guy until he reveals something that you aren’t interested in and there is no harm in walking away. In the world of online dating you can’t overlook those vital pieces of information. They are all laid out right in front of you, so find out what you do and don’t want and don’t be swayed by a nice smile - you'll just end up wasting their time and your own.

Don’t set your expectations to high. You need to realize that you aren’t going to find Prince Charming a week after you sign up. If that were the case, everyone would be happily married and skipping together over rainbows. Be realistic (not pessimistic) and set some guidelines for yourself. So many emails or chats or phone calls before that first date and then stick to your rule. Don’t feel obligated to share your rule either. I have had guys bail after a few calls because I told them I wasn’t ready to meet them yet. What’s the problem with getting to know each other first? Decide what your rules are and then try and stick to them.

Be Safe! For crying out loud, be safe! You can run basic background checks on most people. ALWAYS tell someone where you are going and have them call and check on you. Give the guy’s info to someone else. His name, his screen name, his number, everything - make him easy to find.

Be ready to devote the time necessary to this. You will have e-mails to return and chatting sessions to get to know each other and phone calls. You will probably have to keep a little note book and jot things down so that you can remember which guy said what. It is time consuming. It's comparable to interviewing. You put your job offer out there and you have a ton of resumes to read and interviews to conduct. And at the same time, you are being read and interviewed. It can be overwhelming.

~Good luck!~
~Kate